By Dimo Wa Moraswi Sekele
First of all, let me apologize on the behalf of my species to all the women. I am really sorry that you go through hell trying to show us why we need to marry “finally” you. Equally, be warned though, that this is not about tips on how to get us to marry you quick or any of those 10 points you will find in your weekly magazines. (I am here to laugh at your fantasies).
Imagine that you are being driven around, in a luxurious car for free. The car is exclusively available to you, at any given time of the day. As if that’s not enough, the driver is also equipped to give out massages and professional financial advice. To make it even better, you can change the car whenever you want to, without going through the tedious process that car owners would normally go through when changing cars. Now tell me why on earth would you want to buy your own car if there was already a car available at no cost?
Well, you can interpret the above statement with your own discretion (and at your own risk). I will not be held liable for whatever your mind conjures up, whether you continue to read for a relate-able breakdown.
Now here comes the tricky part. Imagine you wake up one day, and someone has moved you to Iraq or Ethiopia for good (even if the move was to be to Paris the fact that someone made the decision for you and that they were planning this all along is worrying enough). This is a summary of how women, man and how they relate to marriage. The women is the one who planned a life changing trip and the man wakes up to this shocking move very late in life and the trip is the marriage.
Before we go too far, you have to understand that even if he does come along, he still needs to figure out how life would be on the other side of the world. To be honest, he will most likely say YES let us go just to please you. Now the question is; if they are both in their early 30’s or late 20’ how come he the one who’s is never ready? The answer is simple, he is just not ready and might never be ready.
Allow me to fast track the stages of growing up, while young girls are playing with dolls, role-playing motherhood, the boys are out there, playing toy cars and crashing the cars together simulating car accidents. While girls play “banana” (story telling that normally involves families, love, and marriage) boys are out there playing wrestling, karate, and racing on bikes or whatever they can think of just to come back home dirty, tired, and often bleeding. When young women spend early mornings and afternoons at home, doing house chores and spending time with the parents observing real grown up life, boys their age are out there playing soccer, or any sport that must have winner.
Things just keep getting worse in this race, as women browse through the magazine looking at the best catering, and decor, dresses and cutest wedding rings, I am here going through Speed And Sound and Entrepreneurship Magazine. You can already tell that marriage is an alien thought in the mind of a man. The idea does not even belong in there and who ever suggest marriage must be willing to build a shack and feed it or it will die.
There is hope though, look at a man in his late 20’s he needs someone in his life, and this is like an urgency/hunger he feels he needs to feed. He needs someone in his life, because at that stage in their life he is at the peak of loneliness. He is trying to figure his life out, looking for any missing pieces in his life. Most realise at this stage that they have never had a stable/steady romantic relationship. Well, before the wedding bells ring consider this, they don’t have a problem with a live in girlfriend, yes of course there are exceptions. Do you still remember the story of the convenient, available, car provided at no cost right? Why would you buy the car, but equally remember that changing this car is easy and requires little to no admin.
I have heard people talk about adding value, being irreplaceable, and/or performing magic when the lights go out, but I really don’t know which one works better or if it works at all is said and done. All I know is that there lies a little hard work before the ring box is flung open before your eyes. Just a little trick to remember: if it is convenient no one wants to mess with convenience; if it is inconvenient, it’s better to get a new one; but if it is exclusive, no one wants to get rid of the limited edition or leave it “unbought”.
I would expound on what I mean by ‘being exclusive’ but that would be inaccurate because my exclusive is only recognised by me and only I can appreciate it and pop the question. Men are not ready but we are not entirely hopeless too.
Dimo Wa Moraswi Sekele