I sit in silence and fear, for the demons of darkness had driven me here.
-This demon is destructive, knocking down the life I knew
Hating everything about me.
-These demons can’t be seen but they are far from fairytales
They live inside your mind and take control of your life.
Their evilness prevails and your perspective of life changes.
.
What do you see when you look in my eyes?
A freak? A nameless being? Or maybe simply another face in the endless
sea of people?
What do I see when I look at myself in the mirror?
I see pain, loneliness, a broken soul, tears and endless suffering
I feel the scars in my heart and I think back to a time when I was truly alone
Wondering the streets at night, the sky dark and stormy with the cold
rain falling down on me.
It was like the sky was crying on my behalf, it was crying all tears I
was too afraid to shed myself.
.
If I showed my true colors, what would society think?
Would they laugh, show pity or just read the ink?
How do I tell someone that I am broken without feeling needy? Or
desperate for attention?
How do I tell someone how I feel and they tell me to:
“Suck it up” “get over it” “not everything is about you”
How do I open up without feeling judged?
The problem with our society is that until it affects someone we love,
we don’t know it’s there.
It’s really not our problem, so why should we care?
.
People always say “you are always smiling, you are always laughing,
you are always happy surely this is the best time of your life”
Little do they know that the answer is No:
-No I’m not always smiling
-No I’m not always laughing
-No I am not always happy and this is not the best time of my life
I’m exhausted from smiling every single day when I know the pain won’t
just go away.
-If you see me smile, it’s because I feel sad
-If you see me laugh, it’s because I feel lonely
-If you see me happy, it’s because I am breaking
.
-All you really see are the fake smiles
-All you really see are the fake laughs
-All you really see are the masks I wear
I have no efforts left to put into this life, No helping hand behind
to pull me to the light.
My mom says “what is this demon you talking about?” and I tell her:
-It is the feeling of being broken, the feeling of being lonely in a
room full of people.
-It’s the feeling of being tired but can’t sleep because your mind is
consuming you.
-It’s the feeling of forgetting who you used to be
-It’s the feeling like you are drowning but everyone around you is
breathing perfectly fine.
-It is when your soul dies but your body keeps living.
Every thought is a bullet, every movement is a punch, every word is
poison to your heart and mind.
.
Depression makes you lose your appetite and eat yourself up
Depression is smiling to hide the pain inside
Depression is being sad when nothing is wrong
Depression is lying awake for long hours in bed at night contemplating
the best way to kill yourself only to realise that you can’t be
bothered.
Depression is the demon of darkness
.
Ladies and gentlemen, monsters don’t live under our beds
They scream inside our heads
And I still live with hope that one day I will win
I will defeat the monster that’s under my skin.
