Written by: Logan Da96Poet Sekele
The father I never had
Growing up without a father is painful
It felt hard but I kept on going
For days, weeks, and months I waited and had hope he would come back
or call, but he never did. There were times when I needed answers and
he was never there.
When others talk about their fathers, I break down in pain and drop a tear.
He was never there for me when I needed him the most.
I was never guided and learned the hard way.
I was never exposed to the love of a man, I’m lacking fatherhood
commitment in my life.
How am I supposed to grow into a better man while I was never taught
how to become one?
How do I expect to be accepted when my very own parent rejects me?
.
Why daddy?
The world beat me down, broke my heart 10 ways to Sunday and you stood
there and let it?
Have I not become what you wanted?
Am I not enough for you?
Do I even matter to you? Do you even know I’m your son?
You never care if I ate or slept how, where?
You don’t even wanna know if I’m alive or not
.
But why ?
I had hopes for happiness, acceptance, peace, warmth and stability.
I had hoped you would hold my hand as I grew up, hoped you would teach
me how to ride my bicycle, and how to treat a woman.
I hoped you would be there when the sun set for me and the light
behind the clouds seemed forever lost.
I hoped you would lovingly show me how to nurture into an adult, that
you would teach me how to stand on my own.
I have hoped for many life lessons from you.
But no! All this was just a dream because you never showed up.
.
You know what I needed?
I needed a hero dad, a warrior, my knight in shining armor to protect
me from this cruel world.
I needed a mentor, a teacher, my guide and light of my life.
.
I needed you to teach me to live up to my responsibilities, to own
that space in the world that’s solely mine.
When my life fell apart, I needed your support, understanding through
my darkest days and nights.
I needed your comfort and love, your encouragement, praises, security
and honesty.
But most of all……………
I needed you to show me how much I’m appreciated, how much I matter to
you, not because of what I do, what I wear or think of myself, not
because of my choices, but because I thought to myself that I am your
twinkle star.
.
Dear dad
I am still that child suffering from great pain
That same kid longing for your love and appreciation.
I do not know where it all went wrong but all I see is my mom standing
besides me, she never stopped believing in me
She makes sure I get the love and support that I need, always.
She is both my mother and father.
You didn’t go alone, a part of me left with you but I’m getting it back.
So dad, I’ve given up on you like you did on me
You will never hear anymore of me because from this day forward, you
are no different from any ordinary stranger.
.
……………. As I walk walk away, wiping my tears, from the father
I never had……………..
Written by: Logan Da96Poet Sekele
