If Hollywood Was Proudly South African Maybe I would’t Be Too Civilized To Brag About My Culture..


Steady waiting for someone to make my tradition trend so I too can jump in and act all African about it
Steady waiting for Louis Vuitton to dig up my long forgotten attire so  I can scream out ‘culture appropriation’
You see they brought us Tarzen and made swinging on trees look kool AF
SABC can kiss my black behind I’m doing American reality TV now
Eating KFC, Tacos, Burger Kings coz I’m ‘loving it’ now

If Hollywood was proudly South African??

Man I’d jump into my traditional African attire and write this piece in Pedi
I’d teach the visitor my language and poke fun at him whenever he speaks it wrong
I’d value my tradition and showcase it for the whole world to see
I’d rebuke the colonizer’s religion and make fun of his versions of the truth
I’d question his medicine and show him the family herbs provided to us by the fertile soil

I’d treat him like a visitor and make him learn my ways
Teach him to respect his elders and give him a heart warming hiding whenever he gets out of line
I’d tell him about my Sotho brother who with his blanket can turn any street into a runway without trying too hard
Not sure if the gods  would allow but I might just tell him about Queen Modjadji
I’d ridicule his weather forecasts and drought predictions as the the rain queen always quenches a thirsty soul

Broadcast it out to the world how all of us are Kings and Queens soaked in royal blood #Nonke
I’d make hilarious vines of how the westerns only have one Queen
I’d create memes and make fun of how they all abandon and send off their elders to old age homes
You see in our African culture when the elders get old we do not exclude them from society
We invite them to come stay with us so they get to spend time with their grandkids and instill life learned lessons in them
Because in my culture when an elder gets secluded from society, a library burns to the ground

I’d brag about the rich land with all its natural resources…
Give them a history lesson on  Steve Biko, Chris Hani, Oliver Tambo, John Dube and  Sol Plaatje…

I might just do it, I might just tell of all of these but I won’t coz I’m just way too civilized right???

Written By: Kagiso Maloma
Voice Over By: Nqobisizwe Mthiyane




  1. Christianity is not the religion of the white man. I draw the line on that. God is for all, white, black its doesn’t matter.


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