The message on a newspaper article was “Be wary of sugar daddies, students warned”Normal article in South Africa and in Africa as a whole, right? I mean in a continent ravaged by the epidemic, what’s new?

“The men buy the young women gifts and there is pressure on campuses especially to look a certain way, so the young women fall for the men’s offers. You also hear of men paying a student’s rent, buying the girl’s airtime, paying for school fees and paying for her hair and nail [treatments],” said Lebo Ramafoko, the chief executive of the Soul City Institute for Health and Development Communication in an interview with the Mail & Guardian.

In 2013, there was a report that found that 28% of school girls were HIV positive, while only 4% of school boys of the same age were. What this means is, these girls were “sugar babies” or hanging out with “rich niggas” and didn’t have time for a broke as* nigga! *ain’t that what we women say; ain’t nobody got time for a broke as* nigga*

We spew these things on a daily basis as women, forgetting the watchful eyes and mindful ears! Part of the whole “sugar daddy” endemic is, yes, poverty but it can also be linked to our societal ideology that men should provide and no woman should waste their time on a man who doesn’t provide.

This morning my husband and I were discussing this thing of men showering women with cash…*Yes showering, not giving or supporting but showering* He is of the opinion that women should be given money by the way and so am I.

The question now is, SO? Nothing new here, right? What I believe in and have always believed in though, is yes, a man should help support his woman and yada yada….coz in today’s terms unfortunately, a man being head of the household is by providing cash…..Meaning out earning your woman *Fight with me later, take it, don’t take it* But a woman must also be a provider, see, this then brought me to my son and what I would like to teach him, about women and money. And here goes, very simple really….*so, she is pretty and? She gives good ass and? She loves me and? The main point being, ass giving, love giving and pretty being*, ALWAYS ASK “THE AND”… this should lead to value! What Value does she provide in your life?

I want my son to know there are women out there deserving of his cash and more than his wallet, his love, respect, time, appreciation and attention *Nigga, mustn’t walk around as captain save a hoe or gold digger* but these should be the type of women who can get their own and hold the fort. A woman who is not dependent on a man to buy that Hermes bag or travel the world.

Now, my husband asked, how do I plan to do all this? I said by talking and showing, my daughter needs to learn to get hers, in order for her brother to know what independent able women look like *Me being the blue print of course* Funny, we women scream equality but once we get it, we don’t know what to do with it! * trust me I struggle as well, coz which woman doesn’t want to be spoiled?*

But my whole argument is really, yes! We all want a man who will provide financially but can we do the same for him? If he can’t at that particular time, can you carry your man? Coz, if you can’t, I don’t want my son around you!

Also, for me as a mother to both a girl and a boy, what are we teaching our daughters? Why do we want to breed men who will maintain women? Why should it be acceptable for a man to be the sole provider? And why do we want women who are maintained? Back in the days it was understandable why a man had to be the ultimate financial provider, coz women were not allowed to work!!! *so, these poor women fought for so many rights for us to discard them just like that?*

“In a controversial study published in January by London School of Economics Professor Dr Catherine Hakim, more women were said to prefer to marry a man earning more than they do. According to the poll, 64% said they aspire to find a husband bringing home more money. None wanted to marry a man who earned less”.

 For my daughter and son, I say to hell with this bullshit mentality, I am not raising a woman who is going to be dependent on a man and I am not raising a man who is going to be some woman’s ATM, I am raising capable and able human beings, who can both step up when required! Yes, by all means my son should be dependable as a man and Captain of his house! * I will be out there watching these hoes, like u ain’t shit* from a mom who’s a G!